- BFF Home
- About Us
- Life Truths
- RSS Feed
We have discussed decision making and ways to resolving conflict, but it is helpful to realize why one's spouse might have differing opinions. After all, if the couple is going to have a successful marriage, then they need to learn to appreciate and positively look at their fiancee.
Purchase Christian Premarital Counseling now! (download or printed). We now offer epub or pdf downloads with links to all handouts and forms.
By understanding differences between male/female, personalities, gifts and varying backgrounds, one can better appreciate why their mate is so different from them.
Some counselors prefer to use more expensive and sophisticated tests. I have found that so much time and money can be used that the whole point of the session can be missed. Emphasize the way one gains appreciation of each other. I want to them feel that they cannot do without each other. (That was the reason to record Adam's naming of the animals).
Their commitment to their mate will work together with the realization how their to-be spouse so wonderfully meets their need and helps spurt them forward into better knowing each other. Some feel more comfortable with more sophisticated testing devices. If so, use them!
Tim LaHaye has provided some of these forms in his books on temperament. These charts came from Your Temperament: Discover Its Potential. You should receive the temperament forms back before the session so that you can tally them up.
Tallying the results does not take long, but it is necessary to get a general sense of what each of them are like and to see the opposites. By seeing how different the two are helps point out potential problems. Positively looked at, if one appreciates one another, then one will take advantage of the other person's gift! Encourage them to buy and read the book.
How does one tally the sheets? I tally up the points in each quadrant. I ignore the 1,2,3's. Each 4 gets one point and each 5 gets two points.
This immediately shows the strength or weakness of each area and how much stronger or weaker it is than the other (especially when the couple gives me some completed sheets on the spot!). I focus on the two stronger quadrants but also try to spot how weaknesses might make the couple prone to some problems.
Love is patient,
love is kind,
and is not jealous;
love does not brag
and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails ....
(1 Cor. 13:4-8).
- Any followup on the financial questions?
- Are they still praying and reading God's Word together?
- Several reasons: warn them of potential problems and appreciate the unique gifts in the other.
Understanding Our Differences
- Differences can bother us if we do not rightly appreciate our mate. We will, after all, spend our lives with our partner.
Go over the charts.
- Spend time going over your observations of the charts and answering any questions. Integrate your observations in the previous two points.
- Our Needed Commitment
The commitment needed to bind the couple together is the most important aspect of marriage. Both need to love no matter what. Conclude by reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a together.
Finish The Family: God's Weapon for Victory by Robert Andrews.
Have them positively pray for each other through the week.
Make sure honeymoon plans are set (without the parents!)
We will next look at love in marriage. Next ->
Enabling a couple to overcome barriers, difficulties, bitterness and other problems so that they can again work together for marital harmony.
The Importance of Love
God's love sounds great. But how does one bring it into ones own life? See here how we can choose love.
Renewing Affections between Husband and Wife
Husband's Special Guidelines if Wife is Unresponsive
Husband's Special Guidelines if he himself is Uninterested
Spirit of Divorce
Finding how Satan starts fights!
Wife's Special Guidelines if Husband is Inattentive to her Needs
Wife's Special Guidelines if she is Uninterested
Hope for Damaged Marriages
A couple can step by step break through communication impasse in their marriage. –Psalm 107
Harmony in Parenting – Discipline
Shows step by step how a couple can stay harmonious whild discussing a difficult issue such as child discipline.
Is there hope for my marriage?
We all start at the same place of defeat. We have no purity to boast of. God starts rebuilding our marriages from there. The Readying the Mind series:
Down and up: Is there hope?
Learning well: What do I believe?
Two perspectives on sexuality
Try out this puzzle
Perspective on pleasure
A Design worth mastering
Living by design
Design and freedom
God's Design of Marriage
#1 A Special Design: Sexuality
#2 A Blended Design: Marriage
Being an Overcoming
#3 An Exclusive Design: Whole-hearted
Loving ones wife
"What if" questions
#4 A Permanent Design: Enduring
Life long marriage