Bringing Harmony to a Marriage -

The Lord has called the husband and wife to work together as one. "And they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

Being harmonious is complicated because the husband and wife are two different people. Each has a different background, will and way. This is further complicated by the fact that "opposites attract." (This is not a biblical truth but a good observation).

When it comes to different issues such as parenting, we find the two sides form the classic set-up for an argument. Each side has his and her will and is opposed to the other. Each is loaded with their ideas that they thrust at each other.

Usually because they are immature, this infighting is aggravated by confidence in their poor knowledge. This is further complicated by their willingness to be insensitive rather than gracious to the their partner. We must curb any tendency to fight by God's instruction to love.

The question is, "How can we avoid this infighting?"

How can a married couple operate so that though the husband and wife have different thoughts and backgrounds, they are essentially one in outlook? If they are one in heart and mind, then they will not fight.

This unity of outlook is essential in the area of parenting. Unless there is unity, the husband and wife will be divided over how to manage the child.

Unfortunately, this often gets much worse when the parents start using their children to influence their spouse. This is plain manipulation. The children suffer greatly from this.

Another version of this game is when the child plays parent against parent to get their own selfish ways.

In reality, children are literally a beautiful union of the husband and wife. The child is one person but composed of the two. But to be sure, their welfare and strength of life is based on seeing their parents act as one in love.

The solution for harmony, then, is to have a common goal that is outside of themselves. In this case, they are not struggling against each other but struggling hand in hand to understand and implement this goal.

It is essential that all goals are based on the words and purpose of the Holy Scriptures. The Bible is the design manual for all living including bringing up children. Agree to it. Commit yourself to it. And then work together to bring each area of your marriage and parenting to that goal.

As you commit to the study and practice of God's Word, your lives will together be shaped into a common biblical perspective. Your children and others around will be encouraged by your unified perspective. The parents and children will both be much happier.

Let's briefly look at the one area of discipline.

The goal will be to bring up godly men and women who are ready to respond to God's command no matter what. The way we train our children to respond to authority will be the way they respond to authority. We cannot overstate the importance of this fact.

We have to first do what we are asking them otherwise we are training them not to obey. Does a husband always obey God? Does a wife always submit to her husband in the Lord?

How many times should a Christian hear instruction from the Lord before he obeys? The answer is of course the very first time. This is our goal. Any avoidance of doing what the Lord says is disobedience and brings bad consequences.

We then must look at how we as parents practically train their responses to authority. Why is it that many allow a different response from their children than obedience? If we train them to obey the first instruction, then they will not have to relearn through many difficult trials and mistakes later on, that is, if they ever learn.