Not Too Late to Reach Your Teens
– Applying the Solutions (Part 2) –
Paul J. Bucknell

Part 1/5 of "Not Too Late to Reach your Teens (Applying the Solutions)" focuses on helping parents understand why their solutions to restore relatonships with their teens has not worked and shows them to a better way. If you have given up, you need to read this!

Problems (Part 1): Family Problems | Solutions | Problem #1 | Problem #2 | Delinquency
Solutions (Part 2): Barriers | Let’s Solve it! | Confession | Steps of Love | New relationship

This is part 2 of the series of Not Too Late to Reach Your Teen. Part 1 showed us that bad parenting, things like: lack of affection toward the child, ambition of parent to get ahead, parental value of material things, or anger, can all create deep wounds in our children. All people are born sinners including these children, but their situation is aggravated from not receiving and learning about love from their parents. In fact, these same children have learned from their parents as to how to make problems worse!

Parents think that there are problems because of what the child did or didn’t do. Therefore, the parents add fuel to the fire by scolding and nitpicking. Their children, no doubt, have done things that make the parents very upset.
If the parents try to solve the problems that they think need solving rather than first resolving the seeds of rebellion or bitterness that developed because of the parents’ own neglect, then the situation can only worsen.  Superficial and Hidden problemsWithout basic changes in the parent-child relationship, solutions are at best temporary. It is here that many parents have given up. They have tried ‘everything.’ But in the end, nothing really works.

Things will get worse because the parent that insists on change in the child are  only strengthening the wall of rebellion or bitterness by their own unwillingness to change themselves. These children are sure that the problem is the parents. They are partially right. The parents are sure that the problem is the children. They are partially right.Is there hope? Yes!  But the deeper problems must be dealt with first. Only after this, can the other problems can be resolved.

Let me give you an example. From the  parents point of view, they see the problem as their child’s desire to hang out with friends rather than study. Before making drastic restrictions on the child, they should ask themselves why is my child so unwilling to hang around home? Why doesn’t he want to bring his friends over?  Is my home a wonderful place to be?Is it a happy and loving home? Most likely not. We know of a family with college aged children. On school break their son often brings ten friends home with him! Why? You guessed it. He likes his family and home. He wants to share the experience with his friends. A warm home is largely characterized by pleasant relationships between the parents and their children. They like each other.Below we will show you how to begin making the necessary changes tin your relationships with your children.

If your child is older, there are many years of pain accumulated below the surface. Not just in the child but also in you. Notice in the diagram that the parents and the children have their own barriers.
This results in that commonly found communication breakdown. As a parent, you cannot change your child’s past wrong decisions, but you can clear up your offenses. Parent-child barrier to communicationThis is what we mean by working on a deeper, foundational level. As a child, you too can begin to work on bringing down one wall between you and your parents. The method is the same. We will continue to address the parents. Children can follow the same advice, but to simplify the directions we will look only from the parents point of view. Being older, they are more responsible for the problems and to initiate the solutions. Sometimes there is only one parent or only one concerned parent. This parent must take action even if the other is unwilling.I personally have faced these problems in the past both as a child and as a parent. I have used these methods (before I even knew they were a ‘method’). They work because they are based on God’s Word. You will see this as we continue.
Discovering the Problem,’ the first lesson, calls the parent to be committed to straightening out their relationship with their older child. If there is no genuine change in the parents’ attitude, then there is no sense reading on. Reread the first lesson until you are willing to change. At this point, I must assume that the parents have discovered their own problems and confessed them before the Lord. They are ready to make changes. Our goal is to restore the relationship between the parents and their children. We want to make a sad home a very happy and loving home. Next =>

Problems (Part 1): Family Problems | Solutions | Problem #1 | Problem #2 | Delinquency

Solutions (Part 2): Barriers | Let’s Solve it! | Confession | Steps of Love | New relationship

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Biblical Foundations for Freedom

Paul J. Bucknell

Please notice other BFF articles on the family below.

Parenting Seminar Parenting Perspectives Parenting Challenges

Principles & Practices of Biblical Parenting: For Toddlers and Up

Biblical Parenting Principles provides helpful teaching on forming a godly family. This series provides good reading material with handouts and diagrams. (Chinese)

#1 The Goals of Parenting (Spanish)
Understand the key role God's goals for the family have in shaping godly children.
#2 One Great Team: Dad & Mom
The responsibility, need and ability for husbands to work along with their wives as teammates in order to produce godly children.
#3 Parental Authority
Understand the parents' responsibility to govern their children and to properly put it in effect in the home.
#4 Developing Self-Control in our Children
The need and means of cultivating self-control in our children from an early age in order that they may please God and focus on serving others.

Principles & Practices of Biblical Parenting

#5 Child Training & Routines
Enable parents to understand, use and create effective routines to further the training of toddlers and older children.
#6 Correcting Your Children
Properly deal with disobedient children so that they might become joyful family members.
#7 Discipline & Use of Rod
A scriptural perspective of discipline and ways to properly administer the rod.
#8 Setting Boundaries
Set up, implement and maintain proper and effective boundaries for our children.
#9 Raising Godly Children
Applying biblical principles to provide proper spiritual care for our children.
#10 Developing Intergenerational Love
Enable parents to show God's love and truth to their own parents and in-laws during visits with each other.
#11 Restoring Older Children

Even though we have made mistakes, we must not give up on our teens and older children. Lots of advice stemming from biblical principles are given to enable you to restore your children to your loving authority.

Check out our Famly Library for all our resources!

Harmony in Parenting – Discipline
The need and process of harmony among parents is well illustrated. Special focus is given on the area of discipline.

Fathers Learn Effective Leadership
Fathers, improve your leadership! Learn from God's example what to do when those under your authority do not obey.

Index: Godly Beginnings for the Family

Godly Beginnings for the Family series helps parents start right: filled with lots of practical advice for prebirth, birth and postbirth accompanied with reading, handouts and clear illustrations on early training. Check above for downloads.

Godly Beginnings for the Family

#1 Family Commitment
Making a commitment to raising godly children helps parents and children to withstand the influences of this evil generation.
#2 Family Foundations

Family Planning
   Husband-Wife Roles
Start right; end right! Shows how greatly our decisions and assumptions impact our parenting.
God's Family Health Plan
Once we start looking at the scriptures, we are astounded how much God speaks about our health. God really does care for us. We need only to obey.
#4 Preparations for Childbirth
Childbirth is a miracle. Now if we would only stop interfering with God's ways our births would be better and easier.
#5 Tender Newborn Care
Care for the mother and child afterbirth is important. Detailed suggestions as well as routines are provided for both Mom and baby.
#6 The Challenge of Child Training
Now that we have the child, how do we effectively train up a godly child? Start young!
#7 Disciplining and Training Small Children
Come discover how to properly use discipline in the training of your young children.
#8 Setting up Godly Routines for Young Children
Routines is our key to building training into a child's life. It works with one or ten children.

Discipling Children in Anger
Instructive charts on how one can stop correcting children in anger.

Setting Television Standards
Set standards on watching movies by reflecting on Indiana Jones and Psalm 36.

Priorities for Family and Life
This chart shows the overall perspective on life and how family fits into it.

Connecting Love with Discipline - Discover why love requires discipline -Hebrews 12.

Discipling your sons: The why and way
Should a father disciple his sons? How does he go about it?

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Shows how to understand Genesis 1:28 in our modern society.

Recovering Biblical Parenting
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Can my son wearing earrings?
Clear teaching on how to set godly standards in a changing culture.

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The Moral Slide of Sin
Filled with charts depicting the connection between cultural and personal decay.

Personal Impact
This chart from Galatians 6:7-8 reminds us of the personal impact of each family member on the whole.

Parents' Impact on their Children
This chart from Exodus 20:5-6 shows the tremendous influence parents have on their children and following generations.

Devastating Effects of Secular Parenting
The terrible effects of secular parenting practices are seen in the results.

Passing On a Love for God
See David's intense love for God and the people pass on to Solomon's life through the two appearances of God to him.

Need of Parental Love
The dynamics of love and its effect on our children.

Theology of the Family
A Biblical framework for the family shows how the family institution fits into God's overall plan.

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Parenting has a great impact on children. Look how a gifted child can go wrong by spoiling them. Understand more on the importance of disciplining our children.