Understanding God's Provision

Building up trust in times of need

Paul J. Bucknell

Early in the BFF ministry, around 2003

Having gone through 3 years of intense training on trusting God for providing for our needs, I thought it might be best to share some of the lessons we have learned. We have pledged not to go into debt. If that situation ever occurs, it is a sign for Paul to get employment elsewhere. Although we have been tested to the utmost (see below), God has shown Himself to be very faithful over these seven years.

God's purpose is to build up our trust. The opposite of trust is bitterness, stemming from doubt and rejection of His way of providing for our needs. Psalm 95 is a clear attestation to how we need to trust Him. God will test us. We have the opportunity to affirm His work by responding positively to it.

God stretches us beyond what we might think is right or normal. In our case, we want our bills paid on time. During tight times, though, He would provide only after the bill date. This required me to call these companies to find out what their policies were. In each case, they always kindly shared their grace period, during which we could pay without a surcharge. God has indeed provided. This has happened so many times that we are at least not so sensitive to this issue.

We regularly rethink what we are doing. We ask ourselves, "Are we really pleasing the Lord?" "Are we really doing what God wants?" Each time we go back to the beginning stages to review how the ministry started and how He got us into doing what we are doing. In my case, there are three things that I always come back to.

1) I told him in my spiritual journal (we were going through the book, Experiencing God, in Jan/Feb 2000) that because of my love for Him, I was willing to give up what I prized so much - my job, security, and satisfaction of that work. At that time, I loved pastoring a local church. I was willing.

2) I also told Him that I wanted to see how He would provide supernaturally for us just like He took care of the 70 that He had sent out. Since I had a steady salary at the time, it seemed rather impossible to afford that kind of care. Shortly afterwards, God spoke to us, telling us to ready ourselves to go to this other church. In the end, we did, but the church changed its plans. So we were all of a sudden without a pastorship or a salary.

3) I cried out to God one Saturday morning, and He responded by giving me this vision for BFF. Without support, we went forward and have been leaning on Him ever since. The call was clear. I could go back to it each time. I must busily do what the Lord has for me until He changes the course.

Reviewing these three things helps me remember who I am, what I am doing, and why I am doing it.

• I check the signs. When going through difficult times of waiting, we would rightly check out whether God is confirming His will in other ways. We did not have a salary. Little came in. We got a little more than our reimbursements, often enough for a decent pair of shoes for a whole month of needs. What signs?

- What was my pastor saying? I would talk and pray with him. His words would, in my case, affirm my decisions.

- See what my father said. Yes, he is not a Christian and does not read the Bible, but God said to honor him. I honestly (and yes, very humbly) told him our situation. Although he didn't understand spiritual language, I spoke in terms he could understand, such as being self-employed but not getting enough in. I asked him specifically when I should just get out and cut the ropes. In this case he encouraged me to hang in there.

- My mother was concerned about our low income. I am not sure how she found out. She told me in an email that I should look for a job that 'pays.' I then honestly shared about our circumstances. We were low on cash, but not in debt. If we went into debt, then I would look for a 'paying' job. My wife and I were in agreement. She was content with our situation.

- The Lord was greatly blessing the ministry. We had easily doubled our viewing in one year, now averaging 30,000 page views per month (October 2003).

- God was giving great wisdom and guidance to developing material. I am stunned by how all these 1300 web pages were published. I didn't plan it. It all started with being burdened about writing for those struggling with sexual sins. I didn't even know how to write about that or do web pages three years ago. Now we have countless topics fairly well covered. God is amazing, working in my life every day.

- My spiritual life has been fine. I have been meeting Him as before. Nothing has changed since I left the pastorship. Early arising and weekly fasting.

- I have seen great blessings in my family, including my wife. Our spiritual lives are growing.

- God has amazingly kept us from debt. Yes, our car is in our garage with a spare tire, and it needs about $600 in repairs and insurance. We just can't afford it. Our girls have to rethink their lives and schedules. We only have the gas-guzzling van to use.

• I am fulfilled. I sense it hard at times, not being understood. I have to take a 'backseat' to operations in the church. This is not easy. But neither do I feel called to step forward - though I would like to and could on my own. God has been engaging my soul through the development of materials that have absolutely challenged me!

• I am waiting on Him. I am anticipating His work. A verse in Proverbs says one should read the materials before going to work. I am stirred when I read that verse. I sense that I am just reading the materials. I told someone that I am building fodder for a bonfire. I don't know when it will happen, but God will use all that is being done in a greater way than it is now. This will probably be in the area of training leaders and expanding 'The Flow' concept in churches.

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