Ever feel like giving up? Being a parent is a most difficult task. This is one reason for the mass exodus out of the home. The Mom just doesn't want to face the struggle. They find no reward in it. The frustrations with raising a child can also be seen in how willing a couple will greatly limit the number of children they have. They just can't 'handle it.' Even Christian parents have given up. Jesus once described the last days as 'will there be any faith left?' There is not much faith for God's methods on parenting.

In this session, though, we want to focus on those parents who have been trying so hard. We want to congratulate the hard working Mom who gives her time and energy into her children. She will be greatly rewarded. But sometimes, she sure feels like a failure. She gets confused and feels like giving up. One day, she is fine and acts as a general in carrying out the home mission. On the next, though, she is caught into despair and confusion. How does it happen?

Every situation is slightly different, but there are some underlying patterns and cures. Keep hope! God has an answer.

If we have been consistent in our discipline, God's Word promises fruit. As Hebrews 12 says that raising a child will bring about constant confrontation with the child. This is training. We need to do it over and over. Sure we hope that the child has learned by now, but is it not true that even we did nto learn n a day? Is it not true that even up to now, we are still not fully trained by our Lord? We still do sin and need to be merciful and understand that this is a process.

Some days do look worse than others, but we should not forget the areas that have been brought under control. Maybe not perfectly, but largely. Yesterday, my six year old Kathryn came up to me and said, "I made the bed all myself." That was wonderful to hear. She on her own made a double bed with a cheerful spirit. Just think of some college students who don't even know what making the bed even is! This is training.

Project: Go through the day examining one day of the child that is in question. Ask God to show you where that child is already trained. Write them down. Purpose to encourage them more. Include areas as personal hygiene, managing their room, table etiquette, school disciplines, general thoughtfulness, etc.

Why are some days worse?
There no doubt are numerous reasons.

The first we should notice is that we ourselves are not properly leading the day. Any anxiousness, bitterness or laziness naturally drifts down to the children. If the parents are upset with each other, the children will be more upset with each other. We only wish that our good habits and attitudes would pass on so easily!

The children are affected by outward circumstances. We need to remember there are things happening on TV, in the neighborhood, at school, at club, etc. that we might not be aware on. Last night, we were talking about trouble with my oldest son. She told me that he lost his pocketknife down the gutter and that he was extremely sad about it. This was very insightful and important that she tell me the husband. Bullies, jealousies, fights, loss of friends, school pressures all weigh on a child. The parents need to be alert.

The children are also impacted by their own selfish lives. The world might tempt them but it is their heart that makes them so evil. They, like ourselves, can be very mean. They steal, lie, hurt and do evil things that they know are wrong. Guilt hangs in their heart. This often makes them judgmental to others that do the same things. How are we to help them with these things?

We need to share with them not only about God's love but what He expects of them and how He helps them clear away their sin. The parents must humble themselves before God and cry out for wisdom on bringing up their children in the Lord. We must refuse, absolutely refuse, to think this only means leading them to a saving prayer. Would we be happy with a neighbor who had a child and then didn't care for the child?! Of course not. This responsiblity falls mostly on the father's shoulders.

And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
(Ephesians 6:4).

Fathers need to spend special time with their sons training them how to handle life from a man's perspective. Mothers need to do this with their daughters. They need to share what to do with different struggles and why things happen. Some parents might be thinking, "That is great for you with allt he answers, but I don't know the answers!" Actually, we always need to be growing and learning. Noone has all the answers. Jesus didn't. He depended on the Lord to teach Him every day. Keep close to the Lord each day. Ask Him how to address a particular situation. Your Heavenly Father delights in sharing these things with you. Just remember He teaches you through all of life's activities. We often miss His answers.

But what about that deep despair?
Let us focus a bit on how we lose hope.
The process often goes like this. We have a standard. We work hard at it. We are glad. We even tell others how it is working. Then bang! It doesn't seem right anymore.

The evil one is clever. It is easier to cause harm to a big tree by axing the trunk than cutting all the branches. One way is to cut the bark all the way around the tree so no new life (water) resources can flow upward. The tree will soon wilt and die. He comes up with ways to keep us from our Lord. A baby is born or a child is sick. A friend dies. We get busy and distracted and stop meeting with the Lord. We must not sacrifice our time with Him for it is a sacrifice of life. We must maintain our connection with our Lord.

Another way is to chop at the tree. The trunk stand for all the principles upon which life is built on. It is the hard inner core wood that keeps a tall tree from falling. Just chop away, though, and everyone will know what will happen. The tree will tilt and then fall down bringing everything with it. Hope disappears when the principles that we live by are questioned.

In a sense, it is the evil one coming by and causing us to question whether it is true. For example, the mother might ask herself after seeing so much quarreling with each other that he efforts in discipline are no good. "What's the sense!" She has a hard time seeing beyond the emotional feelings within. This is one reason to have a list as mentioned above does help. We feel like totally giving up when in fact, there is only an escalation of problems.

Why is hope so important?
We need to understand that faith, hope and love all work together. If one comes down, the others do too. Faith is the belief that the principles do work. If we doubt or question there validity, then confusion reigns. Anxiety sets in. We don't know what to do. Hope is the confidence that God has a way of working things through. If this confidence is lost, then we are not sure where to turn. We get anxious about tomorrow. We do not wait upon the Lord but get stressed out. Love comes from God. We need to have faith in His principles to discipline ourselves to 1) continue to reach out to Him for more love and 2) actually apply those principles. Love is the implementation of the principles God gives us. Without faith, we will give in and give up.

When you feel like giving up, look around for where the trunk of your tree has been hit. Notice what life principles you are now questioning. This can happen with husband-wife relationships, work, but we are focusing on raising children. This is the reason the scriptures say that we are not to waver in our faith but to be strong. We live by faith not feel, God's principles not emotions.

How do you tell what principles are being threatened?
Look where the ax actually hits. Write down the words you are saying or thinking. They will often express what it is that you quesiton. For example, if you catch yourself saying or feeling, "It's not working." Ask yourself, "What isn't working?" Why isn't it working? we will often find it is an exaggeration of reality. It is working, but we just don't believe it works!

Start here.
We need to go back here to get back on our feet. It is the most difficult and easiest. Listen to these words,

15 For thus says the high and exalted One Who lives forever, whose name is Holy, "I dwell on a high and holy place, And also with the contrite and lowly of spirit In order to revive the spirit of the lowly And to revive the heart of the contrite."
(Isaiah 57:15, NASB).

When we lose faith, hope and love, we need to confess our sins. Worry and anxiety are sins. We have offended God. We cannot get a clear picture until we straighten our hearts with God. We often miss this key element because we are focusing on the faults of others. Faith, hope and lvoe though are basic expectations of God. For example, if we question the effectiveness of discipline, are we not questioning God who gave it to us. We see very clearly that God told us to consistently and lovingly discipline our children. We need to trust Him that in due time He wil work it out, just as He has in the past.

When we question God's basic life principles such as discipline, we are doubting God much like Eve did in the garden of Eden. She listened to another report other than God's. It resulted in wrong action and disobedience.