Handling Pornographic Attacks: Accountability and Purity

By Paul J. Bucknell

Part 1: The Big Surprise | Part 2: Examine, Resist, and Pray | Part 3: Accountability and Purity

4) Asking my wife for prayer

I once spoke with someone who counsels men involved in pornography. He told me that he advises these men not to tell their wives about what is happening. I understand there is some risk in doing so, but the risk of not telling our spouse is much greater! In fact, we men would be fools if we fail to recognize that one of Satan's tactics to trap us is through false secrecy and a sense of smug success.

I told my wife, and I'm glad I did. For one, I knew that if anyone would pray for me on this matter, it would be her. She has a personal stake in my faithfulness. Could there be a better partner in this? I don't think so. Quickly, I noticed a decrease in the intensity of the attack. The third level prayer occurred just before I mentioned it to her.

I delayed telling my wife about this attack by 3-4 days. I will do it sooner next time. I guess when I finally realized this was an all-out assault on my life, I better seek help. If it hadn’t helped significantly, I would have reached out and asked people on our prayer list to pray. If I ask someone to pray for my cold, I should not be slow to ask for prayer in a potential ‘marriage-threatening’ situation.

Satan uses insincerity to trap us in his snare. Honesty breaks those bonds. It's such a relief to share my special need with my wife.

5) Desire for Purity

I would like to conclude by expressing my longing for purity. My heart’s desire has become a strong foundation to defend myself against this vile attack. I want to be completely in love with God. I want no part of me that is not fully committed to fulfilling His will.

Over the past decades, I have realized that God’s plan is undeniably good and beautiful. There is no greater good—bringing peace and joy—than to be completely content with my wife in His presence. This is a true blessing from Him. Everything else seems ugly, horrible, and crude. Why abandon the realm of love for empty selfishness? It simply makes no sense at all.

I have chosen only to love my wife, even when she may not seem very lovable. This is what I have committed to before God. This is simply what I will do. Nothing will stop me from this plan for my life (by God’s enabling grace). It feels so good to tell my wife that there are no other thoughts, images, people, or feelings for another woman. She is my delight!

Beyond this, I have found that the strength of my love for my God and my wife are connected. If I am not protected from lust, then I have no purity before God either. There is no spirituality without true sexual commitment. As my love for God increases, so does my love for my wife, and vice versa. I want this relationship to continue to grow and be strengthened. Do I have anything else that is so precious or wonderful? Absolutely not!

Summary

The enemy attacked by planting lurid images in my mind, but that doesn't mean I have to accept them. Just as my eyes instinctively avoid ‘woman’ billboards, my mind also refrained from dwelling on those images. By God’s almighty grace, I redirected my focus back to His work.

There are enemies to God’s people who focus their hearts and prayers on causing pastors to stumble. We must not become easy targets. If we stand firm, the enemy will flee. Darkness cannot commune with light. Once we renew our commitment to the principles of truth, the enemy retreats. I rejoice that the victory belongs to the Lord and that I live constantly under the mercy of His grace. Without this, I would be overwhelmed by the attacks of the evil one, fall, and become just another statistic. We praise such a faithful God who delivers those who trust in His saving grace. Glory be to God!

And do not lead us into temptation.

But deliver us from evil (from the evil one),

For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, Amen. (Matthew 6:13)

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Part 1: The Big Surprise | Part 2: Examine, Resist, and Pray | Part 3: Accountability and Purity