The Good
Some decisions to stay clear of certain movies or web sites have come from a big conflict with one's wife. You felt guilty but became defensive instead of humble acknowledging the lackluster in your marriage. But after the blow-up, you humbled yourself to confess your sins and not waste yourself on that pornography any more. God spoke to you through that time despite your sin. You learned. Hopefully, you have solidly transferred this lesson to a biblical conviction as mentioned in the previous section.
This decision becomes a guide post in your life. It served as a breakthrough in your husband-wife relationship. You deepened your commitment to her and also to God's standards. You also distanced yourself from pornography, not being attracted as before.
Your decision could have been better. You might have totally stayed clear from pornography, but you allow yourself little glances here and there. Because of this, your wife senses that all is not well. She is insecure. You fake it pretty easily, because you compare yourself to what you have done before. It is easy to think that you are much better than the average husband. Because of this thinking, you cannot progress but will eventually digress.
These decisions are not convictions but are helpful to look at too. They show the strengths and weaknesses of our lives. Let's go on and think a bit about what lessons, good and bad we have learned from our past lives.
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Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalms 139:23-24).
If we do not understand our past, then we will continue to be ignorant of our faults and use them to stain our future.
The Bad
The same situation could have been much worse. The husband could in his defensiveness, never admit his fault but blame it all on her. In combination with his anger, he could step much deeper in a pit of despair and despondency which led to even more secrecy and pornography. He might have even thought that he would never be able to love her and accepted that thought in his life.
It could have been worse. He could have hit her and just went down to a local club to get a drink and a look. No. He did stay home. He put aside some of self-pity seeing that she had some needs too.
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