Critical Perspectives on Good Fathering
1 Samuel 2:12–36

Paul J. Bucknell

C. A Detailed Look at Life

We are called not just to observe the sons’ behavior but also to examine the father’s role. When thinking about the great impact one person can have on another, it is often in the relationship between a father and his son. If a father, through intimacy and opportunity, lives well, he can influence his child’s life so that his child receives eternal rewards. Conversely, we must also consider the negative impact on the child if the father is unfaithful. Therefore, we are compelled to ask, “Were Eli’s sons individually reckless, or did their father fail to set a good example?”

In truth, the Bible emphasizes that a father is responsible for shaping his child’s life. This is not optional; we cannot choose whether to do it. We are responsible for it. It is often said, especially among men, that women do a better job raising children. But that is a misconception. In Deuteronomy 6, we see that the father, not the mother, bears the primary responsibility to live out their lives before their children.

“5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

We might excuse Eli for not knowing what his sons had been up to earlier in his life when we read verse 2:22. But don’t be deceived; he knew. We also might excuse Eli for doing what he could in such a difficult situation; after all, he did rebuke them. He said, “No, my sons; for the report is not good...” But after all of our false excuses, God will break in with the truth. God got everything out in the open in verse 2:29.

“‘Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?’ (1 Samuel 2:29).

Eli placed his sons before God. Essentially, he did this by accepting the finest portions of meat from those sacrifices, which his sons brought to him. At first, it’s probable that he didn’t realize what his sons were doing. He likely only noticed that the meat tasted better. When he discovered the truth, he was tempted by his desire to enjoy this favored food. So he chose to ignore their sin and his participation in it. His tolerance became permission.

Over the years, he probably made excuses for them: “They were young,” “They didn’t know better,” “It didn’t hurt anyone,” “I will pray for them,” “Isn’t it cute?” “Aren’t they clever?” All these words sound empty once we see God’s perspective. Eli was not a good man with good sons because he refused to discipline his children and failed to lead a life free from sin. Because he didn’t stand for godliness both in himself and his sons, he left little hope for the next generation. Churches often become breeding grounds for hypocrites—they know the truth and claim to follow it, yet they do otherwise.

We might wonder why the book of Samuel begins this way. Samuel was willing to live by principle, even when the older priests disobeyed God’s charge. More importantly, God was preparing someone else to do what Eli and his sons failed to do. We often pride ourselves on our plans to be good fathers, but we forget the core principle: “... Those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed.” When we spend our lives calculating material provisions for our children, sacrificing spiritual instruction and open love for God, we are caring for them only in this life. We tend their bodies but neglect their souls, handing them over to the devil. Could it be that we are familiar with God’s truth like these priests but do not obey it? Are we so caught up in our lives on earth that we think that if our children go to college and get a good education, everything will be okay? What a faulty concept!

Fathers, we often excuse ourselves too quickly. We believe we do much better than we actually do. We are content when no major problems arise. If serious issues do occur, we try to pacify them without truly resolving the underlying problems. Let’s focus specifically on some lessons about how an ungodly mindset can affect others in the future.

• Tolerating any sin is the same as approving it.
• Age, relationship, or sex do not justify anyone’s sin.
• The sons were guilty, and their guilt was not forgiven, despite their father setting a bad example.
• The father was guilty of failing to train his children in righteousness.
• We are more likely to overlook sin that relates to our personal weaknesses, like Eli’s love for food. Because he benefits from food, he compromised his discipline.
• We often mistakenly believe that this world and its pleasures are the most important because they are more immediate. We focus more on these things than on eternal matters.

Fathers must:

We must love the truth enough to cheerfully model it.

We must love our children enough to not let them do wrong.

We must participate in the loving ministry of God’s people.

We must go beyond materially taking care of our children and develop a relationship with them.

We must spiritually train them.

We must discipline them so as to train them to do well.

God is interested in shaping people for the life to come. We see this so clearly in 1 Samuel, chapters 1-2. Will you join Him in His mission? If our children are not properly raised, they will be poor leaders not only at home but also in the church and society. This is exactly what we see today—men and women living contrary to principles taught by word and example. We have people who live for self-reputation rather than the Lord’s reputation. We are surrounded by a tired and frustrated generation of young people who are fed up with hypocritical parents. Why depend on emergency room solutions: sending them to Christian camp, youth groups, piano lessons, advanced studies, and other activities? I must ask if you have fulfilled your primary responsibility as a parent, especially as a father. Do you dare question why you face pressures at home when it is you who, for various reasons, have not properly embraced your Christian duty as a father?

Is it possible that all we will leave behind on this earth is just a few scratches on a tombstone? Let us renew our understanding of what is truly important in life. Let us reaffirm our commitment to live godly lives and raise our children to be godly. For life is meaningless without eternal life in Christ. Matthew 16:26 says, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”