The Big Race

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What is the race like?
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Getting Ready
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Course Overview

Crossing the Line
Readying the Mind
Mastering the Course
Four designs
1) Human sexuality
Life applications
2) Blended Design
Partner Confusion
Being an Overcoming
Escaping homosexuality
Homosexual tendencies
3) Exclusive Design
Loving ones wife
"What if" questions
4) Whole hearted
Assessment time

Deciding to Win

Running the Race
Gaining stamina
Overcoming hurdles
Roadside cheer
Feeling overwhelmed
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God's Sexual Design for our Lives

#3 An Exclusive Design: Whole-heartedness

What if ......?

Change is not easy. Our desire for change creates uneasiness in others. Even though they might not have liked our old ways, they might not like our new ones either! They probably do not understand what is really motivating you. Here are some situations that could possibly happen with some people facing such good changes in their mates. We should be prepared for their 'unwelcome' responses. We need to stay faithful to what God wants in our lives. Here are a few, "What if ....?" questions.

But what if your husband desires or forces you to do evil?
If your husband forces you to participate in evil activities such as watching and performing porno acts, swap partners, etc., then you need to gently speak to your husband. Tell him of your commitment to the Lord to live an upright life and that you are unwilling to continue or start such activities. We acknowledge that this does bring a certain risk to your marriage, but the scriptures require this of our lives even if it does cost one his or her marriage. If you have agreed to such behavior before, then you owe him an apology for encouraging him in these ways. The scriptures tell wives,

" Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."
(Colossians 3:18)

" Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
(1 Corinthians 7:15, NASB).

These words of God refer only ask the wife to submit to the husband to what He Himself considers as good and pleasant. By God's grace, your husband will accept it. Remember to be humble and gentle when speaking with him. And do submit to your husband with a quiet spirit as commanded. It is best not to talk to him about these matters when he is pursuing these things. He will be more patient and objective at other times. And do tell him the basis of your decision. Where in the Bible? What principle? And share your history on how you were hesitant at first but went along with him. But now, you can not do it any longer. Be truthful and sincere.

But what if a colleague continues to flirt with you?
What if your colleague continues to allure you? It would be fitting to give a testimony to that colleague of the changes in your life and the restoration of your marriage. Apologize for encouraging any former inappropriate talk, gestures or touch. Confess the wrongness of it and that you no longer want to do such things so that you can keep your whole heart devoted to your spouse. Leave it there. If the colleague continues, then remind him/her of your change. Tell him/her clearly that if it continues, you will need to talk to the boss because it distracts you from doing your work rightly. If things do not clear up, change jobs. Joseph lost his job and was falsely accused because of his desire for purity. Read Genesis 39. If you are a wife, consider it might be a sign for you to come home fulltime and serve your husband and family.
But what if you find you don't want to change?
If you do not want to turn from these behaviors but know you should, then you need to cry out to the Lord for mercy. This is the battle of the heart. Go back to "long distant training" and stay glued to that section until God gives you a new heart. Without repentance, you will perish. Faith without works is dead.

However, if you find down deep you want to change but are just scared and doubtful about taking the necessary steps, then you have the faith to do all the Lord requires because you are His child. Do not be overwhelmed with all the things you must do. Take each step, one by one.
  • The clean pattern goes generally like this:
    •   Acknowledge evil (confess);   
    •   Ask forgiveness by Christ;
    •   Make life changes that get rid of that smut (repentance);
    •   Pledge your whole heart to the Lord and your spouse
    •   Make restitution
But what if you are threatened by your friends?
If you are threatened by your supposed buddies to expose you if you drop their friendship, what should you do?
    1. Firstly, do not threaten them back. Have mercy realizing how ensnared they are in their lusts - just as you were. Your step toward purity causes them to be insecure and guilty.
    2. Secondly, always in prayer, share your story of why you are now changing.Tell them God's part in all of this. If you have been a Christian, then you need to apologize for leaving the Lord and setting such a poor example. Be honest. Teach them what you are doing (disassociating yourself from immoral practices - can't go to those movies anymore). Also tell them what conviction the Spirit of God had brought on your heart. It would be good to share the actual experience (eg. scripture, incident, message, etc.) Just be honest and let the Spirit give you words to say.
    3. Thirdly, state you are quite willing to pray with anyone about anything. We should realize that God often wants to use us in the lives of others.
    4. Fourthly, be prepared to let your whole impure life be shown to the world. Bullies do not usually carry out their threats but sometimes they do. If so, God wants you to be further humbled as well as purified. God will rebuild your whole life in time.
But what if you are liable for a crime?
If you are liable for a crime, then there is a good chance you might be put in jail or pay a sentence. In a sense we need to remember that we have all committed these immoral crimes before the Lord. God chooses to forgive. In a few cases they will reach your nation's legal courts and you will have fines to pay, etc. But the Lord does give you counsel in Matthew 5:25-26,

"Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, in order that your opponent may not deliver you to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, you shall not come out of there, until you have paid up the last cent."

The advice is solid. Jesus is anticipating some of His people will be convicted in heart of a wrong and find that the one he has wronged will take him to court. Jesus' recommendation is not to get the best lawyer but to personally try to make peace with that person.

For example, a teacher might have fondled a student, and the parent is threatening him with a legal case. Modern lawyers would advise never to admit to the wrong. Jesus says not only to admit to it but befriend them and see what you can do to appease them. The fact is that we should always be ready to give the shirt off our back to make amends for we have done wrong. After all, we did do wrong.

  1. Sincerely acknowledge the wrong you have done; humbly and seriously apologize. Tell them your change of heart. Bring your wife along. (Only say what is true!)
  2. Confess what specific wrongs you have done to them.
  3. Tell them you would like to make it up to them but know it is in one way impossible because of the personal hurt. (We know that the other person might have done wrong but let us focus on our own wrong). However, if you can give a gift to help soothe over the pain,then see if they are willing to accept any sort of gift rather than going to the courts. They might want more than you can give. Then in this case, you should be open with what you can give and share what difficulties that you will face under sucharrangements.
  4. Bring your check and show your earnest with your cash. It is best to keep track of money.

Remember what is given here is Biblical counsel. There is no pretense that this is expert legal counsel or advice from a licensed professional counselor. If you choose to do these things, it is because you on your conviction of scripture and the will of God choose to do them.

It can get expensive. There might be a cost to our decisions. We might lose our status, our job, our partner, our friends, our security, etc. We need to be willing to give all away for the sake of obedience. Remember you are digging down to your foundation. Everything on your old foundation has to collapse. Some things by God's grace will be rebuilt on your new foundation.

Who God purifies now, will not be lost later." Our very repentance now insures us that we indeed belong to Him. "If any man's work is burned up, he shall suffer loss; but he himself shall be saved, yet so as through fire." I Corinthians 3:15