Exploring Deep Friendships
1 Samuel 18:1–4
Reasons Homosexuality Excludes Love

Paul J. Bucknell

This extended article defends the plain meaning of 1 Samuel 18:1–4: Jonathan and David shared a deep, covenant friendship rooted in loyalty, sacrifice, and common devotion to God.

A Troubled Heart

I write this article because I am troubled. I suppose I have heard of poor interpretations before, including one for this, but somehow this time, my heart has become very sad. In my written dialogue with a person, he had repeatedly used these and similar verses (Supposedly he never quoted) to assert that David was a homosexual. I wish I didn’t have to write about this because it stains what is so beautiful to defend—a habit so self-gratuitous. This is quite the opposite of true friendship. When evil takes hold and corrupts the few things that are good, wholesome, and glorious, it shows that society as a whole is nearing its end.

I don’t think many people who have reached this conclusion are open to seeing what the passage really says. They are beyond that. Much like the little boy with chocolate all over his hands and face who denies to his Mom’s face that he stole or ate any chocolates. Evil is smeared over their hearts and eyes so that they can no longer see good in good or evil in evil. “To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled” (Titus 1:15).

But hopefully, this article will find a reader seeking genuine friendship, who will pause and take delight in what is truly good. The opposite extreme often causes people who are not interested in turning aside and looking. And maybe by looking, they will catch another glimpse of what is pure, so they may flee from evil and discover, delight in, and embrace what is wholesome and pure.

And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will (2 Timothy 2:24-26).

The Text: 1 Samuel 18:1-4

Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. And Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt (1 Samuel 18:1-4).

Observations

These verses describe the period after David single-handedly defeated Goliath, the giant. Jonathan, the son of King Saul and probably about 30 years older, also achieved a similar victory (1 Samuel 14), and came to love David. There is no doubt that when Saul tried to find out whose family David belonged to (1 Samuel 17:58), Jonathan hoped he would become his brother-in-law. This is one of those dreams—believing that long-lasting friendship can somehow be created through a marriage arrangement.

As we continue reading, the promised marriage resulting from David’s success in defeating Goliath was delayed. However, David remained at King Saul’s residence from that point on. There is some unresolved question as to why Saul did not recognize David earlier, since he had previously become Saul’s personal harp player and armor bearer. During that time, David moved between his father's home and Saul’s court. Either the story's timeline is slightly shifted, or Saul was so self-absorbed that he failed to notice those around him. After all, he was king and seemingly didn’t care about non-royal family. The details are unclear. Fortunately, this does not impact the overall story. We can assume that the friendship was developing gradually and did not form suddenly. David had been around for quite some time by this point.

Was it Jonathan’s influence that caused David to stay there constantly? We assume he was not just involved with the military but also close to the royal family. In any case, Jonathan and David developed a very deep friendship. We know this friendship to be mutual, but this passage only highlights Jonathan’s great love for David, without suggesting that David did not reciprocate. To achieve such a deep friendship, it must be two-way. However, we suggest it was likely initiated by Jonathan because he was the prince, possessed considerable wealth, and was older. David, in contrast, was new to the scene, from a very poor family, untrained in protocol, and the youngest in his family. In other words, don't read too much into this beyond the circumstances. If anything, it reminds us of God’s immense grace and His power to elevate a poor shepherd boy to lead Israel. So let’s examine how Jonathan treated David.

• (1) The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.

Jonathan’s heart was connected to David’s. The word for 'knit' literally means to tie, bind, or, in a different context, to conspire. This indicates the binding of the heart so that what one desires, the other also pursues. The word ‘soul’ is used twice to refer to the heart or the inward part of a person. The meaning is clear and points to a deep, mutual mentoring relationship.

• (2) Jonathan loved him as himself.

Jonathan is said here to have a great fondness for David. One might look in a dictionary and see that the word could be used for sexual love, but this would be an inappropriate use here. I mention it only because some try to justify a homosexual friendship. Clearly, it does not mean that in this context. The Hebrew language does not have a rich vocabulary like other languages, where one word can mean many things depending on its context. The word ‘light' (not heavy) also means vain or empty. In this case, the context clearly does not allow the sense of ‘had sexual love’ because of the phrase ‘as himself.’ It is an abuse of language to interpret it that way.

Clearly, there is a friendship that has reached its purest form. What is that purest form? It occurs when we treat another person as ourselves. Jonathan would do anything for David. We see this in the following words, as well as later when Jonathan defends David even at the risk to the throne itself.

Some people regard sexual love as the highest form of love. It is not. There is something that goes much deeper, and that is the voluntary commitment to another’s well-being. Sexual love is often rooted in selfishness. The Greeks rightly describe it with the word ‘erotic.’ God intended all our friendships to reach such a level of commitment. This is what Jesus spoke about. We leave our self behind in our commitment to benefit another. It is most clearly shown when Jesus hung on the cross for His people’s sins. His gain could hardly be called gain. He lost everything to gain us. Jesus’ commitment was to save unworthy people.