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Premarital advice: How to get married right!

How to Get Married Right

Premarital Advice

Paul J. Bucknell

Decision: Discerning God's spouse for you
Preparation: Readying your heart
The Plan: Becoming a Christ-centered home
Team work: One heart and mind
The Vision: Making plans for the future

_________________________

Purpose

How to Get Married Right! describes five areas to examine before getting married so that the couple might have a good marriage foundation: discerning a spouse, readying your heart, have a good marriage plan, working as a team, and having a vision for the future. This page introduces the series and share what is needed to discern the right spouse.

How does one build a marriage based on God's will? Here is one person who asked!

"Hello, my name's Heidi. I am engaged to an awesome man named Peter and we want to have a marriage based on God's will for our lives and have him as #1 in our lives.

We realize you are incredibly busy, so we won't take up much of your time, but do you have any information we could have or know of any on line stuff we could find? I would be grateful for any thing you could do. God bless you and your work. Bless you, In Jesus Name
."

Let's look at each of these five areas a person needs to focus on to live out God's will for his or her marriage. We are concerned with building the right marital foundation for a beautiful family that pleases God. God's way is always the best way!

An brief outline is first given with the longer discussions following on this and the next pages.

1• Decision: Discerning God's spouse for you 1• Decision: Discerning God's spouse for you.

We first need to settle on who God wants us to marry. The details can get a bit complicated, but it sure is worth thinking through. You will, after all, be married all your living days! This decision settles who you will need to love or listen to.

 2• Preparation: Readying your heart. 2• Preparation: Readying your heart.

After deciding who one would marry, one then needs to get ready for marriage. This does not so much concern your wedding ceremony but your hearts. God has hopes that you will use this time to work out those major problems in your lives so that you will not bring pain and frustration into your marriage.

3• The Plan: Becoming a Christ-centered home 3• The Plan: Becoming a Christ-centered home.

We need to build our marriage as the Architect of marriage has designed. We need to spend regular time with Him to see what steps we need to take next. We need to build into our lives the necessary disciplines to implement His plans.

4• Team work: One Heart and Mind 4• Team work: One Heart and Mind.

Marriage is team work. The husband and wife are not only to enjoy getting married but also being married! Many know this but get frustrated by wrong perspectives on how marriage should work out. We will show you how.

5• The Vision: Making plans for the future 5• The Vision: Making plans for the future

We also need to plan ahead. We can be so busy with present matters that we give little thought of the ideal or projected home that we want to build. Present pressures and desires lure us into the wrong pathway. Keeping the final picture before us greatly helps us make the necessary decisions now to reach those plans.

Decision for Marriage: Discerning God's spouse for you.

Most couples tend to jump over this first step. We get so excited about someone loving us so, that we couldn't believe God's will is anything but him or her! He is 'Awesome'!

Although you might be totally convinced, we strongly suggest that you be open whether this is God's person for you. Go through the following steps. You will not regret it.

First, are you both Christians? If not, then you should not date, court or consider marriage. Your question assumes you are, but one never knows. Our emotions at times block out God's perspective.

Second, do both of your parents agree to your courtship and marriage? Again, many couples go astray when they are not willing to submit their marriage to their parents' decision even if they are non-Christians. God can and does work through non-Christian parents. We must not despise God or our parents because of this fact.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise)" (Ephesians 6:1-2).


Building a Great MarriagePurchase  the book 'Building a Greart Marriage or the Marriage Digital Library which includes the book!'You can order the Building a Great Marriage printed seminar materials including handouts at the BFF Resource Center.Or even bettr get the BFF Marriage Training Library which includes all all our marriage articles including powerpoints, audios and videos.

Third, check and see if you are both physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. ready for marriage. Our parents sometimes consciously and always subconsciously think about these things, but it is good for the couple to see what areas need to be worked on before they get married too. If we look at these things objectively, then we can muster up that extra discipline to get where we need to be at. Oftentimes, our parents do not know some special aspects about our lives.

We need to be completely honest with our parents and potential partner. We should divulge our financial affairs (incurred debt), social obligations (is there that other girl left hanging out there, sexual affairs, divorces), physical problems (STDs, cancer, etc.), and other issues that might influence the evaluating of what God's will is. For example, one partner might be HIV positive. How is this going to affect their lives? Blood tests for getting married? Having children? We want nothing hidden that is later revealed.

Fourth, are you spiritually compatible? If the woman is much ahead of the man spiritually, then there are going to be a lot of frustrations for that marriage. It would be better for the man to take a year alone with the Lord without the pressure of an engagement and grow.

He could take special time serving the Lord in the local church and have special times of Bible memory, meditation and prayer. In order to be a good husband, he needs to be a spiritual leader before they get married. This does not mean he is a deacon, but it does mean he loves the Lord and knows how to disciple others.

Last, one needs to see whether God is leading them in the same direction. We need to understand that the woman chiefly gets her guidance from her husband. Once she is married, her goal becomes to make him a great man, successful in all that God has called him to be.

But if before marriage, she senses God has a special mission or purpose for her life, she must contemplate what that is. At times, it will be fulfilled in her future life with her husband. It is difficult for her to struggle through these questions alone in her heart. She should talk about them with some trusted people.

Many of the above issues have to do with the timing of marriage; some have to do with whether one should get married at all. Those who really seek God's will, will offer up their potential marriage to God as a sacrifice. They will choose to do what God wills for them because they believe it is best.

We should mention that if any of these areas are neglected or ignored, one is already building a very poor base for their marriage. This is the foundation of a house. If they marry not in the Lord, then how can the building be rightly corrected? Not easily, if at all.

We will next look at preparation for marriage. Next ->



Read more exciting and practical articles on marriage. Just click on a link or graphic below.

Developing Love in Your Marriage
Strengthening Godly Marriages: The Marriage Navigator
Renewing Affections between Husband and Wife
God's Sexual Design for Our Lives and Marriages
Goal and Design of Marriage: Intimacy
Helping Solve Marital Problems