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Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting

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Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting

– Raising Godly Children –

Paul and Linda Bucknell

Sesssion #8

Setting Boundaries for Children

Purpose:

Enabling parents to understand how
to set up, implement and maintain
proper and effective boundaries for their children.

A. Importance of High Standards
B. Drawing Boundaries
-At Home - At table -In Public -At church
C. General Principles
Principles /Questions/Notes

Many parents have a struggle between their hopes for their children's behavior and what the children actually do. This is more easily solved than the parents think. There are three key elements to doing this.

(1) The authority of the parent enables the parent to act. Without this understanding, the parent will feel reluctant to make their child obey their wishes. They might try different means of persuasion, but they will feel powerless to do anything.

(2) Discipline with its accompanying chastisement makes sure the parents' desire for their children comes to fruition. Previous lessons have discussed this in detail.

(3) The subject of this lesson focuses on the third point: the setting, communication and implementation of boundaries for the children. In other words, what are we going to tell our children to do and how do we get them to do these things?

Parents have many wishes for their children. Some of these wishes are achievements for after they are grown up. We are not speaking about these kinds of desires. Our discussion will center on the building blocks of the character or virtue of an individual. These will make him do a 'good' job in whatever he does. Character is based on who a person is while achievement on what he does.Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting

Take a look at our new book, Principles and Practices of Biblical Parenting: Raising Godly Children. Check out the BFF Resource Center for this book and many other helpful and relevant resources (308 pages).

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Because we are discussing young children, we need to start with the training of these little ones right in our homes such as picking up after themselves; caring for his toys, folding his clothes etc. In many cases the parents don't know what to ask the children to do, or how to get them to do it. More than often, the parent becomes distraught over these issues. Here are a few examples of this kind of stress.

Some parents have thought up different jobs for their children to do but have not been able to get their child to carry them out.

Sometimes the child starts well but because of lack of encouragement or direction, the child just stops doing it.

Sometimes the parent assigns something, but never trains the child how to do it. The child gets discouraged. The parent gets upset because he didn't obey, but the parent wasn't careful to teach the child how to do it.

Sometimes the child gets distracted. They end up with half-done jobs.

In the end, both the parent and the child need to be self-disciplined to carry out their parts of the activity. The parent must patiently work along side the child until self-control is developed in a certain area.

A. Importance of High Standards

Numbers 33:55-56  "But if you do not drive otu the inhabitants of the land from before you... becomes as pricks in your eyes..."The rules and boundaries that parents set up enable the child to reach his full potential. Many think that this potential can be accomplished apart from God' s truth and work. It cannot be. Let' s see the reason for this.

The disciplines that God brings to a child from his parents enables that child to both suppress his natural inclination to serve himself and thus be sensitive to others. The areas that are not cared for become untamed areas of his life. They will become the trouble areas of his life.

The parallel to this teaching in the scriptures is the exhortation to eliminate all the enemies in the land. Any group that was not eliminated is promised by God to become a' prick' and a'thorn'to the Israelites. God says,

" They shall trouble you in the land in which you live" (Numbers 33:55).

The training the parents give to their children enables them to tame those desires that would otherwise get Seeds of evil are small when a child is a  baby.out of hand. The more thoroughly the parent implements training, the better it is for the child. The seeds of their evil heart are essentially choked out.

Each seed represents an evil aspect of our hearts. The list is not meant to be inclusive but just representative.

" For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man." (Mark 7:21-23)

  Lack of respect for authorities (prideful)
  Lack of control of emotions (anger)
  Lack of control of desires (lust)
  Lack of sensitivity to the needs of others (selfish)
  Lack of ability to relate to others (competitive)
   Lack of contentment (greed)

If left uncontrolled, these areas will grow and multiply like weeds. Self-control describes the process where by the child is trained to ignore these desires and live by God' s principles. Those without self-control will be dominated by one or more'thorns' and thus face more problems in life.

Family DVDThe BFF Family Library has all the Biblical Parenting Principles for Toddlers materials in printable form as well as the available Powerpoint slideshows and handouts for each session. Click the Library for more information. The many practical training materials supplied on this one Library can't be found elsewhere. More info.

Seeds of evil, if unhindered, will grow and seriously impact a  child's life.

The right diagram shows how two growing influences affect a child' s life. They start interfering with normal life including education, friends, relationships with parents and of course their relationships with God. If they are not restrained at some point, they will destroy a person' s life. God uses the parent to control these foul desires.

Pause for Reflection: Do you' indulge' yourself once and a while? Do you have urges that you do not control? List them. These are areas that were not carefully guarded against.

Here are a few observations on the parents'training problems.

Parents are 'soft' on implementing rules in the areas of their weaknesses. If the parent watches' sleazy' movies, he will often allow his child to view offensive entertainment. It is through this means that we see the sins passed on from one generation to the next.

Even if parents are 'tough' on areas where they are weak, the children rise up with bitterness and call the parents hypocrites.

Parents are sometimes oblivious to the standard that God would want in many areas of life.

When the parents model what they want, the child sees this as the only way of life and becomes accustomed to it. To be a good parent means that we live a great life before our children.

Pause for Reflection: What are the areas in your personal life that you battle with? Where do you find defeat? Where are you hardened and unwilling to change? Have you instituted high standards in these areas for your children? What are the results?

B. Drawing Boundaries

The parents know what they want (goals). They must know how to enforce what they want (discipline). Then the parents must seek God to set good standards that complement and carry out His commands.

Scripture verse leads to biblical principles leads to parenting principles.

The parents then define these boundaries and communicate them to their children. Parents often look at what other families do to gain ideas. This is good. Sometimes we simply have no idea what the child can handle at a certain age or what a parent can enforce. The parents will be accountable to God for what standards they have set up.

Maybe an example will help keep us focused. Say we have a goal for a joyful child. This is one of the fruits of the Spirit. How can we bring the child to be joyful? Certainly the child will have his or her own personality. Beyond this is the character quality of being glad in what God has given in whatever circumstances one faces. When we set our boundaries for our children, we need to think what kind of perspectives, attitudes and actions will not be allowed. We must also think about how we can positively instruct and model that character quality.

For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, " YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." But if you bite and devour one another, take care lest you be consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (Galatians 5:14-16)

In this case we would not allow complaining, grumpiness, poor attitudes, or any sadness from ones own inconvenience. Positively, we would model and teach about God' s goodness, love and sovereign hand over all affairs of life. Share with the children the ways God cares for your family. Joy comes from fulfilling God' s purpose through loving Him and others. We will go to church and serve there. We will learn how to serve each other in the home and get joy from that opportunity. We will cultivate a glad spirit that we can serve even if we are inconvenienced by the pride or bitterness of another.

Pause for Reflection: How have you done in setting up boundaries for your children? Have you been affected by modern thinking? How so?

Mailbox - homeArea #1 At Home

What are the general standards for a child to rightly live by at home?

Typical approach

The parent spends his or her time chasing the child around to keep him out of trouble. Of course the parents' motives are good by making sure the child does not get into danger and damage things. But this is only guarding the child from danger rather than training the child to do what he should do even when the parent is not around.

Seeds
(nature of evil)

Sprouts
(short term results)

Plants
(long term results)

Lack of boundaries; too much freedom to do what he wants.
Exhausted parents, disobedient children, lack of self-control, ignorance of standards, friction between parent and child.
A belief that they are most important and that others ought to serve them; relativistic, unreliable.
God' s Way

The child should be trained to control himself to do everything the parent wants the child to do. Take one room at a time. What is it that you as the parent want the child to do or not to do? Communicate these to your child. Make sure they have heard you by looking directly at them. Have them repeat you if necessary. Usually if the child is young, the parent will only think about what the child should not do.

Here are some starters: Don't touch, don't go, don't move, don't jump, don't run, etc. The parent of course must be specific as to when (don't touch stove when hot), where (don't play around in the living room) and what (don't touch the books on that one bookcase.) When the child is younger, we would be better off setting standards that don't change. " Don't go near stove." " Don't touch any bookcase in living room."

Property. Children need to respect property (the things that exist be it living or nonliving). People are stewards of the things God has made including people, bugs, trees and toys. As the child grows, they will learn that certain objects belong to certain people. Permission must first be gained before using it. But even if there is no specific owner, the child must learn that God has given us what we have. We must take care of it. If we cannot properly care for something, then we have no right to use it.

Even if a toy belongs to them, they have no right to destroy it. I tell our children, " If you don't rightly care for that toy, then we will find someone that will." They have no right just to smash something that is good. They are better off to give it away.

We are steward over things. Furniture is not a toy and must not be jumped on, including beds. As they learn to take care of property at home, then they can extend that principle to things that belong to others when in public.

Clean up. If the child makes a mess with food or toys, they should, if old enough, pick it up and make everything nice and clean. They should even sweep up the mess. When the child is 4-5, the parent or older sibling can work together cleaning up. Later on they will be able to do it on their own.

Throwing things. Children are taught the principle, " Don't throw things in the house." They are to apply this to all sorts of objects, but sometimes a parent might need to clarify the rule. They are not allowed to throw food. Paper airplanes and balloons are allowed in our house (but might not be in yours).

Coming. If called, they are to say, " Coming." If they cannot come, they are to ask permission for delaying. Children are expected to speak honestly and obey their parents the first time they say something.

Five Minute rule. When the parents call the children to go somewhere, they need to give a bit of time for the children to finish what they are doing and put it away. Even adults need time to get ready for another activity. For meals, we use a bell system. On the first bell, they are expected to clean up. On the second bell, they are to wash their hands and proceed directly to the table. This simplifies the procedure for Mom who is preparing a hot meal. This also develops in the child the responsibility to pick up after them.

Hygiene. The parents are to train their children to have proper hygiene. We must not leave it up to the children to decide what they do or do not want to do. They would rather make art designs with the toothpaste! Instead the parent must have their teeth properly brushed, toilet needs rightly cared for, and hands washed well with soap. They should be trained at age appropriate times to do what the parent would do for them.

Orderliness. God is a God of order. Routines are good. The parent should set the bedtimes and awake times, not the child. The parent sets the mealtime, not the whining of the child. Parents should even set the detailed routine for getting up or going to bed. This would include awake times, getting dressed, dirty clothes, hygiene care, eating, etc.

Training the child to care for his own needs makes an orderly house. After a bath, a child should properly put the towel away. At first, do it together and then later you can appoint them in charge of doing it. If it is done in the right spirit (eg. " You are getting big!" ), they will want to do it on their own. They need to be shown how to fold clothes, step by step. You do one step. They do the next. Before they know it, they will be able to do the whole thing.

Serving others. As a child begins to walk, the parents will look for opportunities on how to help train them to help others. Part of the training includes helping them notice the needs of others.

Yesterday, I came into my home office to find my study was immaculate. Even my chair was nicely tucked under my desk with my sweater neatly hanging over the back of it. I later found out that my six-year-old daughter engineered that surprise all on her own. We want to foster that kind of serving spirit. We show great delight at their thoughtfulness and do our best at telling others how special it was that she went out of the way to do that.

Summary. We do not allow them to choose. We choose for them. We work with them at first and then they will soon be able and willing to help. They learn how to prioritize what their parents' say. This is the way to build parental respect without much confrontation.

Pause for Reflection: Do you chase your children around trying to keep them from wrong or do you train them to do what is right? Are you consistent?

TableArea #2 At the Table

How do you train a child to eat well?

Typical approach

The parent waits to see what the child wants and makes it for him.

The parent fears if they make something for the child without asking that he might not " Like it." The parent focuses more on the child' s need to eat than the nutrition or training of self-control. The child gets whatever they want. Whenever he fusses for something, then they give it to him. This is the way to make a picky and ungrateful eater. This makes him think he is king of the universe.

Seeds
(Nature of evil)

Sprouts
(Short term results)

Plants
(Long term results)

Lack of gratefulness.
Unthankful, demanding, tired Mom, complaining, griping, picky eater, eats bad things.
Lack of gratefulness to God and wife, poor health, impolite and lack of manners.
God's Way

The child does not know what is best for him. Let him shop for you, and you will be surprised at what they would buy! Determine what the child needs are and serve him good, nutritious and well-balanced meals when you think is right.

Expect the child to eat what he is served. If he doesn't eat, have him go without. If he learns what good meals are, then he will form good eating habits. No snacks should be given except for very young toddlers or special occasions. Build up a good appetite from which thankfulness arises.

He will learn thankfulness by observing his parents. If Dad expresses real thanks to God and his wife, this will go a long way in creating a grateful heart. The child should be trained to thank Mom for her love shown in preparing meals.

This is not to say that children do not develop likes and dislikes. Everyone is different, but catering to his likes and avoiding his dislikes never gives him an opportunity to learn to endure through hard things. The child simply has to trust his parents' judgment when he doesn't like a certain thing. Special colors, snacks, size or deserts can become the time the child decides about what to eat.

Purpose of eating. Parents can ask, " Are they honoring the Lord by what they eat, how they eat and the way they show gratefulness of those who took part of the process?" Along with being thankful, the child needs to learn not to be wasteful. He should not take more than he can eat. More often than not, there will be enough for seconds. This is better than throwing food away.

Saying 'grace.' Expressing thanks to the Lord is very important not just before meals but also regularly for all things. We train our infant children to hold hands. We just hold their hands together. This will work for a long time. The young child gets used to it. Later the child will want to hold hands on his own. Be prepared, though. He will go through a stage he will refuse to hold his hands.

In this case, just go back to holding his hands until he is willing to hold his hands together. We don't want children playing during this time but to show respect to God. Children should wait for 'grace'to be said before serving himself (normally speaking) and eating.

A parent might wonder how to have him eat food that he doesn't want to eat. Again, if we start at an early age, the parent just feeds the child what she decides. She does not ask him what he wants. When this is done, the child is used to eating what is served. If the child was not trained this way, then there chastisement will be needed to reinstitute respect for the parent' s authority.

When young, keep the baby's hands away from the dish. Remember, that the child already understands his Mom's 'no,' and will generally respect it at the highchair. At times, the mother might want to hold the child' s hands.

Don't like? Some concepts of a child' s dislike might come from a parent's misinterpretation of the child spitting out food when young. A child is just learning to eat food at that stage. The child hasn't trained their tongue to work properly. The mother might think that the baby doesn't like it where in fact the baby is just trying to eat it. When the baby spits it out, the mother's face might express dislike because she thinks the baby doesn't like it. The baby can learn from the Mom's negative response or " Oh you don't like that" to reject it. The Mom should show confidence on her face and in her words that the child will like it. Then help the child happily eat it!

Eating together as a family should be a joyful event. Parents and children should gather around the meal to spend time together. There should not be any distractions of television or radio except for special events.Our family talks a lot together. We don't allow accusations about the failure of others but pleasant conversation of the day's events.

Summary. Lots of mealtime stress can be avoided if the child is trained to eat what is served. The parents transfer God's goodness to the children by purchasing, preparing, and providing a nutritious meal and a nice mealtime atmosphere.

Pause for Reflection: What are your mealtime manners? What good things would you like to happen at the dinner table?

In public - waiter.Area #3 In Public

How do you train a child to act properly in public?

Typical approach

The parents desire to socialize with others but the child often distracts the parent. The child wanders where he shouldn't, runs about making disturbance, or just acts naughtily so that parent can't pay attention to those he or she need to talk to. The parent convinces the child to 'obey' with lots of innutritious snacks. This of course just convinces them to disobey again next time.

Seeds
(Nature of evil)

Sprouts
(Short term results)

Plants
(Long term results)

Disobedience brings reward.
Parents can't accomplish much; don't often go out; become embarrassed. The child manipulates the parents. He learns how to disobey to get what he wants.
Child thinks he can get away with things. He manipulates parents and other authorities to get his or her way. They get poor health.
God's Way

A parent should expect that a child would be polite, act orderly and carefully observe his parents' expectations. The child should be other-conscious. They should respond to his parents' wishes.

Rules for politeness (etiquette) come from the scripture. One should act as if others are more important than himself.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

A child needs to learn to control his words and actions in such a way that he attends to the needs of others. If a parent is talking, then he should observe that he should not be noisy. If he catches himself as being too noisy or hear or sees Dad' s caution, he should instantly quiet down.

Acting orderly is very important. Disorderly behavior includes doing things that might cause him to bump into someone, have something thrown at someone, hurt someone, very loud, not take care of things, or not clean up after himself. We want our child to act in such a way that the parents don't notice the children.

I remember once that a church closed the child' s playroom after church instead of allowing the children to play there. That room with the toys was no doubt the best place for children to play. But because they left the place such a mess, they decided to close it down after church. Would it not be more ideal for each child be trained to pick up after him. Or would it not be better if the whole groups would cooperatively and speedily picked up at the hint that the parents had to leave. I have seen it work.

We cannot expect the child to know all the specific rules of the parent when in a public place, especially if it is new. But if one does not allow the child to jump on ones own furniture, then the child should be taught not to jump on other people' s furniture either. The general rule would be, " Don't do to others (or other things) what one is not allowed to do at home." When trained properly at home, then the child will normally act nicely in the public.

The child needs to pay careful attention to the desires of the parent. The parent should tell the child what he generally expects such as where to stay and what not to do. It helps if the parent has developed a sign by which the child knows to be quieter or that he will get chastised upon returning home. When the parent calls, the child should come as soon as possible. No exceptions. At home, we have the child answer, "Coming Daddy," or "Okay, Mom." This is not as appropriate in public places.

The parents should be considerate of naptimes, a child' s age, a child' s hunger and general crankiness from not sleeping well the night before. An attentive parent must not abuse his authority but be attentive to the child' s needs. There needs to be a good balance. If a child seems to be unnaturally cranky, perhaps the child is getting sick and the parent should leave a little bit early. Of course if once the child is home and the child seems well, he should learn that he has misinterpreted the fussing.

Summary. Parents should train their children well at home and they will behave in public. How grand it is to be thrown a few complements on how well the child behaves! There is your chance to testify to the power of God' s Word and consistent application of it.

Pause for Reflection: Are you embarrassed about your children' s behavior? Does your children' s poor behavior keep you from attending activities? Do people like to be around your children?

Cross - church meetings.Area #4 At Church Meetings

How do you train a child to act properly in meeting places?

Typical approach

Parents are embarrassed to go to church or attempt to sit in church meetings because of the disturbance their young child makes. So the parents just don't go or the mother stays in the nursery. Once the child knows that he or she can get away from quietly sitting still for an hour' s service, one can be sure that he will do what is needed to' escape.' The parent will say that the child cannot sit still. They will believe it.

Seeds
(Nature of evil)

Sprouts
(Short term results)

Plants
(Long term results)

Delight in pleasure over reverence for those in authority.
Disrespect towards God and parents. Parents are manipulated and not aware of it. The child does not learn self-control sitting still and being attentive.
Children despise those they manipulate. They will avoid what they have despised.
God' s Way

Children can learn to sit still. There is a longer training process for littler ones, but it does work and is needed. Children tend to be impatient in worship services. Parents think it is wrong to expect their child to sit still. These same parents should how they can sit still in front of a television set for a period of time without moving. Children need to control the physical in order to be responsive to the spiritual.

Now it shall be, if you will diligently obey the LORD your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you will obey the LORD your God. (Deuteronomy 28:1-2)

Many parents think that their children are naturally' active.' Although this is true, it is an excuse for lack of training. Parents only need to remember their attention span is shorter. But since they are not taking any tests, this does not matter. If the parents want the children to sit still for part or all of the worship service, or any other meeting, then they should train them to do so.

Our philosophy is to train them so they know nothing else. This doesn't mean that they are quiet. They are noisy without even knowing it. Our cute little 18 month is a very good girl, but she can't be quiet in church for long. She doesn't really understand the command to be quiet. She might be singing when people are praying or happily talking away on Daddy' s lap. Unfortunately, these responses make too much noise. So one of the parents need to take her out.

If we take them to a playroom, then the child will soon make a connection: make noise and go to play room. If we do this, we have just set ourselves up for a repeat performance. They were not originally manipulating the parent. We just trained them to think this way. Once they get the connection, they just make the noise and the parent makes the move.

Parents used to think our children' s quietness in church was because they were girls. Our first three children were girls. They made excuses for themselves. In fact their ability to sit through one and half hour worship services was through hard training. God has now given us three boys to prove the difference is not training. Boys are a bit more restless, but they can sit through meetings as well as girls if they are trained. How, then, can we train our children?

Training

We start before they know of anything different. We do not want them to think that there are any alternatives. Once they taste this freedom, they are harder, though not impossible, to train. Bringing the infant to the nursery is fine. Having them accompany you is fine too. Just remember the mother has a harder time concentrating with her baby there. She is very attentive to the baby' s needs.

The key to training occurs when the child can start observing his change of circumstances. At about 6-8 months, the child starts to become familiar with the worship service. By ten months the child should be with the parent for the worship. One parent will need to prepare his or herself to take the child out if he disturbs others. Sit towards the back. There is no need to chastise. The child is unaware of the disturbance he is making. In our case, the Dad takes the baby out when he is able. He does this to help Mom concentrate. He can usually focus on the message even when holding the baby.

Usually the child will fuss for a couple of months but the parent refuses to take her to the' fun' room or feed him candy to bribe him. He needs to emphasize to the child that his noises do not reward him with anything. In fact, dad doesn't even put the child down in case the child thinks he can run around. He just holds his son or daughter.

After about 6 months of this, the child starts discerning the noises he makes and can be trained. When the child can understand such boundaries – such as obey his parent' s word, be quiet, etc., then he can be chastised. We of course do not chastise him in church but at home. This age of understanding is not fixed and depends a lot on what training he has learned at home.

Our children sit through those' long' services. Actually, most services are not long. If the parent shows boredom, the child will pick up on their impatient attitudes in an instant. This makes it even more difficult. The parent is too honest to openly show his lack of desire to be there because of his image. The child doesn't care about this! As parents convey their true excitement about meeting the Lord, the child will not mind being there. They also sense that expectation.

Remember that there is room for special occasions and purposes the parents have well thought out. If things will be different at church one Sunday, then the parents should discuss this ahead of time. We prefer not to send our children to Junior Worship if available. We are not legalists or prideful that our way is better. We are thinking about what is best for our children short and long-term. Each couple is responsible to work out how they are training their children to respect God and others. We have found that Junior Worship is training the child through things. They are not trained in patience but in distraction.

Purpose

Man is commanded to worship the awesome and mighty Creator. We are not wrong in training our child to spend this hour more special than other times. They need to be trained to rightly come before the eternal God in a humble heart and mind. Their manipulation of the parent to play is exactly the opposite of what should be happening. We do not go to church for entertainment but for meeting God. We do not go for friends or food. We serve God. This means we need to train our children on how to regularly assemble before Him and put away their toys and' fun.' There are higher objectives.

Pause for Reflection: What are your goals for your children at church? Do these goals please God? Do you love God more than anything in the world? How do you know and show this?

-> Read more on children in public worship sitting with their parents.

C. General Principles on Implementing Boundaries

1. Note ones frustration. The parent, for example, wants the children not to leave a certain room in a mess! These frustrations often reflect a deeper standard that is being violated. Many parents have a difficult time isolating what is wrong. They only know it is wrong. In this case we see a sense of order, respect for things and cleanliness is being transgressed.

2. Observe what one wants done in an area that relates to that child. The young toddler cannot sweep, but he can pick up papers, put away toys and straighten up the bookcase. Praise developing virtues like being cheerful, thorough, attentive, faithful, diligent, brave, helpful, loving,  gentle, patient, kind and trusting.

3. Breakdown the whole project into different tasks. These tasks might mean different areas of the room to be cleaned, kinds of activities to be done, time to be cleaned, etc.

4. Choose one task that the child can learn to do. He can put away the alphabet toy.

5. Do the task with the child. Note where he needs help. In this case, he might not know how to happily put the tray away. Show him how to do it in a fun way!

6. If the task requires something that the child can't do, such as something he can't reach; modify the task or the request. We could, perhaps, make a place for it on the lower shelf.

7. Once the task comes easy, start on another one until the whole job is being accomplished.

8. Settle on a time when the job needs to be done. We might say the room needs to be cleaned right after dinner. (He still can't tell time).

9. Settle on a consequence for disobedience. Follow through with chastisement when appropriate.

10. Follow up on the child' s activity. Must take a look; listen to the child.

11. Look for ways to encourage. Praise his developing virtues: being cheerful, thorough, attentive, faithful, etc. Do not praise his looks or natural gifts (things which he is not responsible for) which can easily lead to pride.

Pause for Reflection: Work through these steps. Start with one frustration you have. What is it that you would like your child to do that he is not? Follow through the steps. What problems do you have carrying them out?

Summary

The parents are not only able to have the children do what they should but are responsible to do this before the Almighty God.

------- Parenting Principles --------

Questions and footnotes are included in the purchased copies.